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How To Support Your Wife During Menopause

Menopause For Husband And Partners Giving And Receiving Attention

Managing Menopause – How Husbands Can Support Their Wives Dealing With Menopause

In a healthy relationship, partners frequently turn to each other to give and receive attention in the most positive and loving ways throughout their time together.

Depending on your circumstances, you may need to deliberately carve out quality time together, though. Heres my advice:

  • Take your diaries and put a big cross on one evening a week when demands from others need to take second place.
  • Plan a day away together once a month and take it in turns to decide on and organise the days events.

Also, read my article about what to do when youre bored in your relationship.

Learn To Feed Yourself

God never intended for one human being to be the entire source of life for any other human being. Many husbands fall into the trap of looking to their wives to make them OK. Your marriage has become primarily about getting your emotional and physical needs met.

Thats not what God intended marriage to be about. If you look to a woman any woman to fill you up, validate you, make you a man, you will either end up disappointed, or you will end up exploiting her.

You are responsible for learning to feed yourself. And your wife cannot be the only source of nourishment.

That means you need two things:

  • A deep ongoing personal emotionally close relationship with God. You must learn what its like to go to Him first for your deepest soul needs.
  • A deep ongoing personal connection with other men, brothers on the journey. You challenge each other, lift each other up, encourage and pray for each other.
  • Where are you getting your deepest needs met? Many men struggle here first of all to simply acknowledge your heart needs, and then to find healthy ways to get those needs met. But its something you can learn.

    Confessions Of A Man: How Menopause Ended My Marriage And What I Wished Id Known Then

    Guest blog from Paul a man whose marriage ended because of his wifes menopause.

    Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage . More must be done. I invite you to read Pauls story . You may recognise a similar situation in your own relationship. Get advice, talk to us or other experienced menopause/relationship counsellor Kathryn Colas

    25 years together17 years marriedDivorced

    Without question, my marriage breakdown was the single most painful period of my life and it has taken many years to rebuild.

    We always think it cant happen to us. Like many people, I imagined divorced couples to be the kind of people I wasnt or could never be.I thought the others must have drifted apart or simply that they did not have similar values to mine.

    Time has been a great healer for me and our daughter, now in her early twenties. It has enabled me to see what happened to my marriage.And early menopause was the trigger it impacted everything. It may sound to some that I am blaming the menopause outright all too quickly for my divorce. Whilst its true that there were other life challenges to contend with, like losing a parent and not being able to have more children, there is no doubt in my mind that our struggle to deal with menopause was ultimately what destroyed everything. I say it was our struggle because it was. At the time I had no ability to fully understand what was going on, how to help or what to do about it.

    Read Also: Do You Get Discharge After Menopause

    When Should I Call My Doctor

    If any of your postmenopause symptoms bother you or prevent you from living your daily life, contact your healthcare provider to discuss possible treatment. They can confirm you have completed menopause and are in postmenopause.

    Some questions you might ask are:

    • Are these symptoms normal for people in postmenopause?
    • Is there treatment for my symptoms?
    • Is hormone therapy still an option?
    • What can I do to feel better?

    If you experience any vaginal bleeding during postmenopause, contact your healthcare provider to rule out a serious medical condition.

    How To Cope With Your Wife’s Menopausal Mood Swings

    How to talk to your wife about her mood swings during ...

    Going through menopause can be an emotional and difficult experience for women. If your partner is experiencing this transition, it’s worth learning more about what menopause is and what you can do to be supportive and helpful. Acknowledging and empathising with your significant others experience will help ensure that your relationship stays strong.

    You May Like: Can Ivf Treatment Cause Early Menopause

    Is It All Down To Menopause

    Many women feel that their hormones must be responsible for the things that are going wrong in their sexual/daily relationships – this isnt necessarily the case, but its easier to look at the menopause rather than at the underlying issues.

    Knowledge of the menopause and its effects makes it easier for them to offer support at a time when their partner may need more reassurance.

    Be aware of other influences that may need to be explored, such as:

    • The cost of HRT/natural remedies
    • Hysterectomy and menopause

    Rose Asked Her Partner To Look On The Internet So He Could Talk Through With Her How She Was Feeling

    What advice would you give to partners of women going through menopause?To try and be patient, to talk about it with your wife. The most important thing is with any life changing event, to talk to each other. That was difficult for me, I dont find it that easy to talk to people in general, I think Ive got much better at that and I think the experiences Ive gone through in the last six years have taught me that its much healthier to talk through issues, but that wasnt how I was six, seven years ago. My advice to partners is to listen to your partner, to talk through how theyre feeling, to go and do your own research. My husband actually went off onto the internet and did his own research so that a) he was able to help inform me when I was at my lowest and didnt feel that I was actually capable of doing my own research, but also it helped him to understand how I was feeling. And also some of the physical effects, the fact that I did lose my libido and its still not back now a hundred per cent. At least he could understand why that it wasnt suddenly that Id gone off him, that actually it is a very genuine side effect of the menopause.

    Read Also: What Do Doctors Prescribe For Menopause

    Will Your Marriage Survive The Menopause

    Menopause is a period of profound physical and emotional change for women. However, this is difficult for the husbands and partners to understand, especially those who do not know anything about this critical period of womans life.

    The issue of marriages surviving the menopause period is a thorny issue that is rarely spoken about even though it touches millions of people.

    Studies on men married to women undergoing menopause have shown that womans menopause significantly affect them. This despite the common belief that menopause is just period that affects women because they are the ones who go through this stage in life.

    According to Sue Brayne, a psychotherapist, men are equally affected by their womens menopause. This is even hard for men as they find it challenging to open about what they are going through as compared to women.

    Some of the men that accept to hold an open conversation on the effects of their womens menopause confess that it is hard for them to talk about the matter but they feel a sense of relief when they do so.

    According to most men, the changes that their partners go through are frightening and strange. Therefore, menopause puts much pressure on most marriages, with some just holding up in the relationships because of their children.

    The most important thing to do to ensure that your marriage survives the menopause is to consult and learn how other couples have managed the situation.

    Can The Menopause Affect Your Sex Life

    Supporting Wife Through Menopause – Q& A Saturday

    It’s quite normal for a woman to lose interest in sex during and after the menopause. There are many reasons for this. A persons sex drive usually decreases with age, but falling levels of the hormones involved in sexual desire around the time of the menopause can also reduce a womans libido.

    Other menopause-related changes such as disturbed sleep, lack of energy, and vaginal pain or dryness due to vaginal thinning may also decrease your partners sex drive.

    The menopause can affect your partners emotions in ways that can make her less interested in sex. Women often report feeling more anxious or irritable, and having mood swings during the menopause.

    Women going through the menopause may also have an increased risk of developing depression, which is more serious than mood swings and needs medical attention. Encourage your partner to see her doctor if she has, or you suspect she may have, depression.

    You May Like: Can You Start Menopause At 42

    Is It Ok To Be In A Sexless Marriage

    For young couples, is it fine to be in a sexless marriage? Well! The answer is no definitely not.

    However, if we are talking about a couple in their 50s thats been together long enough to have raised a few adult children of their own, then yes.

    There comes a point where intimacy between a loving couple no longer includes sex. What is important for marriage is not sex itself, but intimacy.

    There can be intimacy without sex, and sex without intimacy, but having both, activates a lot of natural high triggers on our body thats designed to encourage procreation for the survival of the species.

    Having both is the best-case scenario.

    However, great sex is a strenuous physical activity. There are plenty of health benefits of sex, but as we age, strenuous physical activities, sex included, poses health risks. Forcing it, such as by using the magic little blue pill to resurrect junior, also have risks.

    Risking your health for intimacy, when there are other ways to be intimate becomes impractical at some point.

    Related Reading -Menopause and my marriage

    Menopause Care Tips: How To Take Care Of Yourself During Menopause

    Menopause is a fact of life for women, but the transition isnt something to dread. Changes occur that impact the body and mind, but treatment is available every step of the way. At Southside Medical Center in Atlanta, GA, we are committed to offering world-class menopause care to our female patients.

    Also Check: What To Use For Menopause Dryness

    Remind Your Lady Friend That She Is As Fabulous As Everwith Her Stunning Laugh Her Wicked Sense Of Humor Her Gorgeous

  • Buck up her self-confidence. In our youth-obsessed society, self-confidence can take a hit at menopause. Skin and hair become dry and thin, its easier to gain weight around the middle, incontinence may make it difficult for women to be their flamboyant, devil-may-care selves, and brain fog means her witty retort might be a few minutes behind schedule. Remind your lady friend that she is as fabulous as ever, with her stunning laugh, her wicked sense of humor, her gorgeous .
  • Limit guilt. Chances are the lady youre helping through menopause is dealing with substantial guilt and the anxiety that goes with it. She may feel shes not performing as well at her job. She may feel badly about snapping at her kids or co-workers. She may turn down sex and cancel plans more frequently or just be less available. Try to avoid adding to the guilt shes likely already carrying around. If she doesnt make time for you, let her know you miss her, but give her space to work through her issues in her own way.
  • Dont doubt or diminish her experience. Menopause is real, and possibly the worst thing anyone can do to a menopausal woman is deny her experience or tell her its all in your head. These symptoms are very real, including the emotional ones of depression and anxiety. There will be enough doubt, enough people telling her to suck it up. Have her back, provide a safe space, know shes doing the best she can, and help her continue to be the best she can be.
  • The Power Of A Partner

    How to talk to your wife about her mood swings during ...

    The physical and emotional shifts during menopause might make your partner feel anxious, vulnerable, confused, or disconnected from her body. Some people liken it to PMS all the time. Needless to say, this can be a tough time for women.

    Thats where you come in. As a partner, you can play an immense role in how your wife or girlfriend feels about menopause, herself, and your relationship. Dont just take our word for it: several studies have shown that a partners knowledge and attitude about menopause can positively impact the spouses experience.

    But first, lets start with the problem: many men are aware that their wives or girlfriends are having symptoms but lack education about what is happening. A large research survey in 2019 found that only twenty-one percent of men correctly identified menopause as a hormonal change. Plus, forty-six percent of men did not know that menopause treatments exist. Another study in 2019 concluded that husbands had little knowledge about menopause symptoms, which made this transition difficult for them to cope with.

    Read Also: How Do Doctors Test For Menopause

    What Is Postmenopause

    Postmenopause is a term to describe the time after someone has gone through menopause. When you’re in postmenopause, your menstrual period has been gone for longer than 12 consecutive months. At this stage in life, your reproductive years are behind you and you’re no longer ovulating . The menopausal symptoms youve experienced in the past may become milder or go away completely. However, some people continue to experience menopausal symptoms for a decade or longer after menopause.

    There are three stages of menopause: perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause.

    • Perimenopauseis the time leading up to menopause. It describes a time when hormones start to decline and menstrual cycles become erratic and irregular. You may start to experience side effects of menopause, like hot flashes or vaginal dryness.
    • Menopause occurs when youve stopped producing the hormones that cause your menstrual period and have gone without a period for 12 months in a row. Once this has occurred, you enter postmenopause.
    • Postmenopause is the time after menopause has occurred. Once this happens, you’re in postmenopause for the rest of your life. People in postmenopause are at an increased risk for certain health conditions like osteoporosis and heart disease.

    Its Also Not Personal

    Im going to go out on a limb here and assume that most husbands are like mine. Though he is now my ex husband, and in the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that his treatment of me during the years of perimenopause played an enormous role in my seeking a divorce.

    Some of you might think this bias hampers my ability to write objectively on this topic. And you would be right about the bias part. Bias runs deep and wide at The Perimenopause Blog. But, that is not necessarily a bad thing. My experience has merit and value.

    And the circumstances and dynamics which were at play in my own marriage were not unique or extraordinary. I say this with confidence based on the hundreds of comments and emails Ive received over the years from men just like you. There are many parallels and similarity of experience.

    Because of that, I believe these similarities can enable you to extrapolate valuable knowledge and understanding of what happens when women go through through perimenopause.

    So dont discount personal experience right off the bat. It might prove to be invaluable asset for you by helping you to broaden and deepen your understanding of perimenopause.

    Now, all of that said, something my ex-husband did which only served to make things more difficult was that he personalized my perimenopause symptoms.

    Its silly really. But, that was the reality.

    Did I mention were divorced?

    Recommended Reading: How Long Does A Period Last During Menopause

    What Does All This Mean For Your Relationship Or Marriage

    In addition to any pre-existing marital problems, you may also have been dealing with other challenges.

    You might be caring for elderly parents, dealing with problems with the kids, have children flying the nest , financial worries, job dissatisfaction, a feeling of being stuck, physical or mental illness, etc.

    And now, your partner or wife might also appear a little more vulnerable.

    Therefore, the two of you are likely to need a little more structure. That structure could provide a sense of safety, security, containment and control to prevent you both from becoming overwhelmed by it all.

    Lets look, therefore, at how you can increase your resilience by meeting your basic needs . Well home in on the menopause specifically further down.

    How A Doctor Can Help

    Wife Doesn’t Want To Make Love After Menopause

    If your partner is finding the symptoms particularly difficult to manage, encourage her to speak with her doctor.

    They can help by:

    • reassuring her that everything she’s experiencing is normal
    • investigating her symptoms with blood tests and scans if she has unusual symptoms or is younger than 45. Read more about the unusual symptoms of menopause and perimenopause
    • advising treatments for menopausal symptoms

    Recommended Reading: How To Lose Weight When Your Going Through Menopause

    What Are Menopausal Mood Swings

    It’s important to learn about and understand what menopause is so that you can support your partner through it. Menopause is the point in a woman’s life when she no longer has menstrual cycles, and suffers from symptoms which can include mood swings.

    Mood swings are defined as extreme or abrupt fluctuations in mood. During mood swings, women often experience changes in their emotional equilibrium.

    Follow these tips to help your wife with her transition.


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