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How To Help Your Wife Through Menopause

Ways You Can Help And Support Your Wife Or Partner

Supporting Wife Through Menopause – Q& A Saturday
  • This period of change offers an opportunity to get to know the love of your life again and reinvigorate your relationship. Download my free communication tools for couples to help you start today.
  • Maintain or gently and kindly introduce a sense of humour when appropriate .
  • Be on the lookout for the good times between the upsets, and talk about them often. Talk about where and when the two of you work well as a team.
  • Remind yourself whenever necessary that your wife is going through a challenging time but will eventually find her balance and very best self again.
  • Bear in mind that you also might have to face something similar . Or perhaps you already have been through what is called andropause.
  • Offer support in a way that you know your wife will appreciate. Ask, instead of blindly offering what you decide she needs.
  • Expect to sometimes feel at fault, rejected, angry, frustrated and miffed. Yep, not what youd choose! But, dont take things too personally.
  • Avoid the temptation to dismiss things as her just being hormonal she still needs your understanding and respect.
  • Dont say: There must be a cure for it if your partner has plucked up the courage to talk to you about what shes going through. There is no cure. HRT comes with all kinds of disadvantages.
  • Dont suggest she needs antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs these kinds of medication are proven to jeopardise the long-term outcome. Shes perfectly capable of making her own choices.
  • Thats Why I Think Its So Important That As A Supportive Husband You Get The Information You Need To Support Your Wife Through The Change

    Now, lets move onto menopause. Menopause means the last period, but the transition can take about two years. Your wifes FSH is already high because her estrogen levels are so low that her pituitary gland is screaming at her ovaries to make more. Her hypothalamus is panicking because theres not enough estrogen. Now, your wife is having a lot more hot flashes, and is even having night sweats. She may be getting more irritable and have more brain fog.

    Can Menopause Cause Facial Hair Growth

    Yes, increased facial hair growth can be a change related to menopause. The hormonal change your body goes through during menopause can result in several physical changes to your body, including more facial hair than you may have had in the past. If facial hair becomes a problem for you, waxing or using other hair removers may be options. Talk to your healthcare provider about your options to make sure you dont pick a product that could harm your skin.

    Read Also: Can You Go Into Early Menopause After Tubal Ligation

    What Does Menopause Actually Mean

    Lets briefly review the basics. Most women will officially reach menopause after going for one year of missed periods. Keep in mind that some women might experience menopause earlier due to cancer, surgery, genetics, or other health factors. Menopause is a journey that consists of three phases:

    • Premenopause. During womens teens, 20s, and 30s, most have regular periods . Hormonal fluctuations are typically minor.

    • Perimenopause. In their late 30s or early 40s, women may start to experience missed periods or symptoms like hot flashes, mood swings, or sleep disturbances.

    • Postmenopause. At an average age of 51, women have reached menopause and no longer have periods. They may continue to have menopause-related symptoms for up to another ten years.

    Menopause is not technically one of the three phases of the journey. However, people often use the phrase menopause to describe an overall transition that can occur over a decade.

    This entire process occurs thanks to a drop in the two main female sex hormones: estrogen and progesterone. A decrease in both of these hormones gradually ends menstruation and, unfortunately, also causes frustrating symptoms along the way. Menopause timelines and symptoms differ from person to person, so prepare yourself to expect the unexpected!

    Dont underestimate the power of simply sitting down and listening to what your partner is experiencing.

    Renegotiating The Daily And Sexual Relationship

    Expert advice on how you can help your wife through the ...

    The couple may have to re-negotiate who does what as energy levels and motivation alter – especially if depression is an issue. The couple may also have to discuss and experiment with different sexual positions that would make intercourse more comfortable.

    I was on HRT and because of all the scares I came off it, my life became a total misery with mood swings, night sweats and depression. I tried all sorts of natural remedies, checked my diet and continued to exercise, but just felt really down. Recently I went back to my GP and he put me back on HRT. Ive got my life back.

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    Understanding The Symptoms And Impact Of Menopause

    While menopause may be nearly universal amongst women, the exact impact of menopause-related hormonal shifts can be deeply individual. Some of the most common symptoms of menopause include:

    • Anxiety and depression
    • Sexual discomfort
    • Vaginal dryness

    For many women, these symptoms have far-reaching implications for overall wellbeing. Hot flashes can cause serious discomfort and lead to ongoing sleep disruptions. A diminished sex drive can change the way a person feels about herself and her relationship. Pain during sex can do the same. Mood swings, anxiety, irritation, being tired all the timethose arent simply annoyances, but may be fundamental shifts in the way a woman experiences everyday life. And in addition to these symptoms, concrete evidence of aging and the end of fertility can have a significant psychological impact, especially in a culture that valorizes youth, particularly in women.

    Thats why menopause can be such a challenge and why it is so important for partners to understand: menopause comes with real changes that can make your partner experience life differently. It can change how she perceives herself and how she feels others perceive herincluding you. In this vortex of hormonal, mental, emotional, personal, and cultural issues, is no wonder that menopause is often one of the most transformative times in a womans life.

    Which means, as a partner, it may also be one of the most transformative times in your life.

    A Natural Time Of Life

    Sadly, this womans feelings about what was happening in her life theres something wrong with me are shared by too many women. While menopause can come with discomforts and inconveniences, it is not a disease or abnormality. Its a natural time in a womans life, and most of the things a woman experiences at this time are typical.

    Menopause is the point in life when a womans ovaries begin to significantly decrease production of the hormones estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Estrogen and progesterone are the two principle female hormones, while testosterone, although commonly thought of as a male hormone, is produced in small amounts in the ovaries and adrenal glands. In women, testosterone plays an important role in sexual desire and energy enhancement.

    Menopause is defined as 12 months of going without a menstrual period. The most common symptoms are hot flashes, sweating, increased irritability and mood changes, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating and thinning of hair on the head. Vaginal dryness resulting in painful intercourse often occurs later.

    Menopause doesnt occur at a specific age, although the average age it begins is just over 51 years. If a womans ovaries are surgically removed, she enters what is known as surgical menopause.

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    Speak When Youre Angry Youll Make The Best Speech Youll Ever Regret

    Youre on her side, right? Even when she might be treating you like the enemy. Between dodging flying frying pans and offering tissues, try talking to her, no matter how awkward you feel broaching the subject. Shell appreciate it, and letting her know that youre trying to make it easier for her will take you out of the line of fire, at least temporarily. Dont underestimate the difficulty of menopause.Its a trying time for you, so just imagine how difficult it is for her. The main thing here is to be patient. Give her plenty of leeway when she is upset or overcome with menopause anger and try to remember shes not out to get you.

    Sometimes it can be difficult for women to recognise themselves in the ways they feel and react to menopause. Imagine how tough it is to feel like a stranger to yourself. Dont wait for her to call for the cavalry. Be there first to offer hugs, tissues, and ice cream. Suck it up and offer help. Cook the dinner, do some housekeeping whatever it takes to stop her from feeling unsupported.

    What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause

    Wife Doesn’t Want To Make Love After Menopause

    Men want to fix everything, one woman told her group. I just want him to hold me and tell me he still loves me.

    Her sentiments ring true for many women. There is no easy fix for every problem that vexes the menopausal woman.

    While some things can be done to alleviate some physical symptoms, its the emotional effects that have womenand menso bewildered. Combine these twothe physical changes and the emotional ups and downsand you have a situation that can frustrate a marriage and challenge a womans identity as a sexual being.

    For married women, the comments below will resonate. Further on, well see how the mental transition from the childbearing age to the grandchildren-rearing stage does not changebut rather enhancesfemininity.

    More than having their menopause problems fixed, women want to know that their husbands will stay connected to them, or begin connecting with them, and walk through this stage of life together.

    Dont give a lot of advice, another woman responded when asked about what she tells her husband she needs. I want to be able to say how I feelwithout feeling like I have to take his advice.

    This woman may sound ungrateful, but she is only frustrated. Like so many husbands, her man wants to help. Yet his attempts to fix her only frustrate her.

    Husbands can communicate their support by being willing to read a book or an article that explains menopause. They dont need to be experts, but their interest is very encouraging.

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    Menopause: Reality Hits Hard

    If youre a husband reading what Ronna wrote, it can be a real slap of reality. One year, one month, one week, one day seems too long to go through this. And yet, many of you know, this is just the beginning of a long season. Its a very long, long season of difficulties, for your wife and for you!

    We wish that marriages could come with a manual on what to do if but unfortunately they dont.

    However, we live in a time where we arent left entirely alone as far as not having any information available to help us! Many people have lived through a few things and have learned through a few things. Fortunately, they are willing to pass on to others what they have learned.

    And that applies to the subject of Menopause. How do you survive this transition of life and help your wife the best way you can? Theres no one-size-fits-all answer to that, but author Lois Mowday Rabey wrote an article that might help you in some way with that dilemma.

    Learn About Pubertys Evil Bigger Sister: Menopause

    The best perimenopause advice for husbands? Learn the whys as to how she can go from wanting to strangle you with the vacuum cleaner cord one second, to crying on your shoulder the next. From the hot flushes, to the personality changes. Finding out as much as you can about menopause will help you stay ahead of the game. Youll quickly realise that symptoms such as mood swings and hot flushes are not born out of cold air and there is far more going on.

    Also Check: Is Dizziness A Symptom Of Menopause

    A Husbands Guide To Having Great Sex After Menopause

    There are many ways in which you can contribute to ensuring that you both continue having great sex after menopause. As biological and psychosocial factors indirectly affect a couples sexual relationship, you should not only think about sexual factors when you consider how to improve sex with your menopausal partner, but must also consider how biological and psychosocial factors influence sexual functioning.

    Will I Still Enjoy Sex After Menopause

    How to Cope with Your Wife

    You should still be able to enjoy sex after menopause. Sometimes, decreased sex drive is related to discomfort and painful intercourse. After treating the source of this pain , many women are able to enjoy intimacy again. Hormone therapy can also help many women. If you are having difficulties enjoying sex after menopause, talk to your healthcare provider.

    Recommended Reading: Is Dizziness A Symptom Of Menopause

    Its Not All About Hot Flushes

    Diane says that for men: “Its about education and understanding what menopause is. We need to get over the barrier that its all about hot flushes and night sweats.

    “One of the things I have really picked up on from men is the perception is that ‘all going mad’. Thats not the mans fault, because sadly, we don’t teach anything about menopause earlier in life.

    “Menopause simply means the end of monthly periods once the ovaries stop producing eggs and hormone levels start to drop. Leading up to menopause is perimenopause and that is when hormone levels start to fluctuate. 75% of women will experience symptoms and for some they can be debilitating, affecting all aspects of their lives and those around them.”

    According to Diane, the most common symptoms are:

    • Anxiety
    • Feeling tired, lethargic, lacking in energy
    • Feeling unhappy
    • Hot flushes and night sweats

    For a full list of symptoms, see the NHS website.

    How S/he Views Her/him

    Shy conversations and secret fears may not get talked about. So if there are any other sexual, marital or relationship problems they can get ignored leading to assumptions being made and misunderstandings becoming more common, which in turn can lead to arguments. Low self-esteem then becomes a problem as neither partner feels supported or able to give voice to their emotions.

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    How Can I Help My Wife In Perimenopause What Perimenopause Is Not

    August 3, 2010 by Magnolia

    One of the first places to begin when talking about perimenopause is to define what it actually is. Its difficult to help anyone if you do not know exactly what youre dealing with.

    I often say you dont cure cancer by calling it a cold, and you cant solve an algebra problem if you begin with the wrong premise.

    That said, I think most men probably know what perimenopause is. What they dont often know, however, is what it is not. So, let us begin by defining perimenopause in terms of what it is not.

    Why Men Should Be Involved

    My wife is entering menopause. I can’t make her happy. How do I convince her to get help?

    Sexual symptoms are typically a problem for women because they cause a mismatch between her partners sexual needs and her own. For example, a woman who takes longer to orgasm after menopause may only be bothered if her partner experiences quicker orgasms as he ages. Menopausal sexual problems are a joint problem, most effectively treated by involving both partners. It helps when the male partners of menopausal women are educated about why the sexual symptoms of menopause arise and what might exacerbate them. Educated partners are in a better position to help menopausal women treat the symptoms and have a great sex life after menopause.

    Also Check: Can Getting Your Tubes Tied Cause Early Menopause

    We’d Love To Hear From Husbands And Menopause Experiences

    So, partners, wed love to hear from you how youre helping the women in your life manage menopause. What resources are your go-tos, what information is missing? With menopause still so taboo, are you even able to have conversations with women on the subject? Please share your thoughts in the comments below or on or . And by the way, guys? Thanks.

    What Your Wife Or Partner Might Be Experiencing During The Menopause

    She may

    • feel sore vaginal dryness can cause pain during intercourse
    • have tender breasts
    • have lost confidence in herself and her body
    • be suffering from low self-esteem based on her changing body shape and the confrontation with the ageing process
    • want and need physical closeness, even when she rejects your advances
    • not feel much like making love now her body is less responsive.

    And heres what might be going on for you.


    • feel too young to shelve your physical desires
    • secretly have considered having an affair, or already be unfaithful
    • may have become more aware of beautiful and possibly available people around you
    • even feel guilty that your thoughts alone are like a betrayal, even if youve never been unfaithful
    • feel increasingly reluctant even to mention that youd like to make love for fear of being rejected yet again .

    Just in case you may also be interested in my article on what to do when youre no longer making love.

    Also Check: Early Menopause After Tubal Ligation

    Husbands And Menopause: Top Things You Need Your Partner To Know

    Oh ladies, those of us who are going through the change of life.its tough at times isnt it? None of us knew what we were in for when we heard our mothers talking about hot flashes, mood swings, chocolate cravings, and weight gain.

    While we may know what to expect when it comes to symptoms and life experience, they will not know what hit them when we suddenly turn on them for not taking out the trash.

    We were foolish enough to think that it might not happen to us, that we would be able to escape these uncomfortable symptoms and weepy moments that we saw our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts experience as we wallowed in the foolishness of youth.

    Lets face it, menopause affects all of us in some way, and if we are in a relationship, it can affect our partners as well. While we may know what to expect when it comes to symptoms and life experience, they will not know what hit them when we suddenly turn on them for not taking out the trash.

    Lets do our partners a favor lets construct a navigating menopause cheat sheet for our husbands so that they can weather the storm with us and hopefully help us to strengthen our relationship through this time of change.


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