The Power Of A Partner
The physical and emotional shifts during menopause might make your partner feel anxious, vulnerable, confused, or disconnected from her body. Some people liken it to PMS all the time. Needless to say, this can be a tough time for women.
Thats where you come in. As a partner, you can play an immense role in how your wife or girlfriend feels about menopause, herself, and your relationship. Dont just take our word for it: several studies have shown that a partners knowledge and attitude about menopause can positively impact the spouses experience.
But first, lets start with the problem: many men are aware that their wives or girlfriends are having symptoms but lack education about what is happening. A large research survey in 2019 found that only twenty-one percent of men correctly identified menopause as a hormonal change. Plus, forty-six percent of men did not know that menopause treatments exist. Another study in 2019 concluded that husbands had little knowledge about menopause symptoms, which made this transition difficult for them to cope with.
How S/he Views Her/him
Shy conversations and secret fears may not get talked about. So if there are any other sexual, marital or relationship problems they can get ignored leading to assumptions being made and misunderstandings becoming more common, which in turn can lead to arguments. Low self-esteem then becomes a problem as neither partner feels supported or able to give voice to their emotions.
Jackie Asked Her Husband To Read An Advice For Partners Section On A Website Forum
So I wouldnt blame the menopause but it can certainly make it really difficult when they cant empathise properly with what youre feeling. And I think a lot of women just, their husbands just shut off from them completely. I can see from what Im reading on there . But weve always had where wouldnt get the chance to switch off from me. And that advice for husbands bit that is set up on the Menopause Matters forum, well on the website, its a great long print out of all the symptoms that youre likely to feel and I print that. I tried to get to read through it oh a good lot of months ago and he didnt take enough notice and I was having a really rough few weeks, probably after moving here and after my dad died and stuff and I felt as though he was, hed lapsed a bit and wasnt really accepting that I was still going through this sort of thing. And I said, look, I feel as though youre not trying hard enough to understand why Im still pretty up and down and find it difficult to be normal really and I made him sit and read it. I said look, I want you to print that off and read it properly and take in what it says. But I had to push him to do it. But he did, he read it and I said, because its a good description of how the symptoms can make you feel and how dreadful it can be, I said it doesnt sound very nice does it? And he said No, it doesnt and so I think hes more aware than a lot of people and he tries, he tries sort of thing.
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What All Husbands Need To Know About The Menopause
For all we talk about the menopause, its impact on men is often overlooked. So here’s all you need to know…
Youd expect that a book about menopause would be directed at women. It would also be fair to assume that, given my nature, it might contain a couple of acerbic asides aimed at men. But what my book Cracking the Menopause acknowledges is that menopause very much affects family and friends, and that we need to educate men as well as women.
The impact of menopause on men is far too often overlooked. They need to be told about the subject because it affects their lives too. The Change jokes are firmly off the menu. In todays new, improved, embracing environment, its all about understanding, education and respect and then you can go back to the comedy potential, which we all know is bountiful.
As marriage or a partnership is a long term commitment, its worth appreciating the biology and psychology of this time of life, and asking what you can usefully do to help rather than turning a blind eye and hoping it will go away. Knowing about menopause is likely to help sustain a happier relationship and therefore make your life a better place.
Its hard not to sound patronising when writing a guide for the opposite sex, but this isnt the goal. Its biological facts, not womansplaining the offside rule. I cant tell you how appreciated it is when a man genuinely wants to understand womens bodies .
Menopause Is Not A Single Event
Even though the word means, last period, the change itself can last for five to fifteen years, and sometimes longer. Women go through their reproductive cycles for a good 30 years, before they start to go through the change. But a lot of women, especially under the hormonal assault of modern stressors, have much shorter reproductive cycles, meaning that theyre going to go through the change sooner.
First, theres a long premenopause phase, where hormones become a little bit lower in a womans 30s, but its mainly the perimenopause phase that begins the hormonal roller coaster. Perimenopause is the five to fifteen-year period before menopause actually happens. Menopause itself may only last about a year or two. Then, when the woman has not had a period for at least 13 months, shes considered postmenopausal, and that lasts the rest of her life.
Menopause is all about a woman missing her hormones, particularly estrogen, progesterone, and later in the change, testosterone. Missing these hormones affects so many aspects of her life. It affects her moods, her memory, her relationships, including sex, but also her motivation for anything in her life. Losing her estrogen affects her ability to experience joy. Its important that you understand that her sex hormones affect so many aspects of her life, and because shes missing them, its affecting her behavior and the way she feels.
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When we lost our pregnancy, we both went through really heavy grief because we had known so early at three weeks that we were pregnant. By the time we reached 12 weeks, you know, wed had a lot of time to start planning it in our minds. So for both of us that was a really challenging time. When I got my early menopause diagnosis, my husband didnt show a lot of signs of grief. He just made the decision to be strong for me and Ill always be really grateful for that.
He, all of a sudden, it was all about me you know, How can we get you through this? What do you need? Do you need to go and see a psychologist? How can we alleviate these symptoms? How can we make you okay in this moment? And also being mindful about BRCA 2, he was very strong on not doing IVF if that meant any sort of risk to breast cancer. Hes like, Well, I can have a baby, but having a wife whos not here doesnt help the situation. So hes been really supportive.
My husband had a really strong drive to have a family, but at the end of the day, he valued our relationship more and I was really lucky to have someone whod do that because I can think of people in my life, men in my life, who if I was married to them and this had happened, maybe that would have been a different story.
South African Poet Haroldene Tshienda Finds Healing Through Written Wordsyour Browser Indicates If You’ve Visited This Link
Looking back, there were plenty of times when South Africa’s “healing” poet, Haroldene Tshienda, might have been overwhelmed by life. Instead, she turned to words as a way of dealingwith pain. Now, her words are helping others and she’s ensuring that other young poets and writers find audiences,
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We’d Love To Hear From Husbands And Menopause Experiences
So, partners, wed love to hear from you how youre helping the women in your life manage menopause. What resources are your go-tos, what information is missing? With menopause still so taboo, are you even able to have conversations with women on the subject? Please share your thoughts in the comments below or on or . And by the way, guys? Thanks.
How To Cope With Your Wife’s Menopausal Mood Swings
Going through menopause can be an emotional and difficult experience for women. If your partner is experiencing this transition, it’s worth learning more about what menopause is and what you can do to be supportive and helpful. Acknowledging and empathising with your significant others experience will help ensure that your relationship stays strong.
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What Husbands Need To Know About Menopause
Every woman experience menopause differently. For some, it may last just under a year, while others live the nightmare for a decade of their life. Similarly, not every woman experience all menopause-related symptoms and its severity may vary from one person to the other.
Thats why explaining menopause to a man becomes harder because there is no blueprint for what it looks and feels like.
However, taking in all perimenopause advice for husbands you can get is vital for the health of your relationship because youll be living through menopause with your spouse. Heres what you should know:
A Husbands Guide To Having Great Sex After Menopause
There are many ways in which you can contribute to ensuring that you both continue having great sex after menopause. As biological and psychosocial factors indirectly affect a couples sexual relationship, you should not only think about sexual factors when you consider how to improve sex with your menopausal partner, but must also consider how biological and psychosocial factors influence sexual functioning.
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The Number Two Thing You Can Do To Support Your Wife Through Menopause Is To Try And Be As Patient And Loving As Possible
Ask if she needs help, and be there to just listen. You cant fix it for her, but you can be supportive. I know its hard when she might be moody or irritable, but remember that this is your beloved wife. You want to support her through this, and its not going to last forever. The more emotional support you can provide her, the better. And if youre not able to do that, thats okay. She may need to talk to somebody else, and thats okay too.
Thats why we create womens groups to help support women going through menopause. Its one of the reasons I created a Menopause Action Plan workshop for women so that women could actually plan out their menopause and be able to deal with their hormonal fluctuations. As well as their husbands. This way everyone isnt just surviving the change, but thriving. You can find the link in the description below to access our MAP workshop for your wife.
Dear Men: 8 Things You Must Know About Menopause
Angela Mager is doing us all a big favor by sharing this open letter to men everywhere about Menopause. Read more about womens health on her websiteMood swingsHot flashes Night sweatsLow LibidoVaginal drynessAnxietyForgetfulnessA new era
Angela Mager, RN, HC
I am an RN and a cardiac wellness coach. I work with women at risk for heart disease to help them finally succeed at creating a healthy lifestyle that they love, so that they can feel energetic, grow confident, and love their life.
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Tips For Husband Whose Wife Going Through Menopause
Most husbands and partners are clueless or know very little about what to expect when their womens menopause period begins. Besides, many women are not aware either of what happens to their bodies when this stage of their lives starts.
When a woman approaches the level of hormones in her body fluctuates, it marks the end of menstrual cycles. These lead to fatigue, mood swings and other unpleasant menopause symptoms like hot flashes.
The changes make it hard for most women to figure out the right things to do or not do to ensure that they keep their partners happy and on the smooth base.
Besides, many men do not often get what their wives are going through, but the truth is that there is more to menopause than just the stopping of periods.
However, with menopause tips for husbands, this becomes much easy for you as a man you understand how menopause can affect your wife to enable you to offer her the right support.
Perimenopause Advice For Husbands: Dos And Donts
A woman living through menopause goes through a lot of physical and psychological upheavals. The important thing to remember at this time is that menopause is the end of fertility, not the end of life. You can help her embrace that being her support system. Menopause and marriage, a sane and stable one at that, can co-exist. All you need to do is be empathetic toward her. Here is a list of dos and donts of perimenopause advice for husbands to bear in mind:
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Will Your Marriage Survive The Menopause
Menopause is a period of profound physical and emotional change for women. However, this is difficult for the husbands and partners to understand, especially those who do not know anything about this critical period of womans life.
The issue of marriages surviving the menopause period is a thorny issue that is rarely spoken about even though it touches millions of people.
Studies on men married to women undergoing menopause have shown that womans menopause significantly affect them. This despite the common belief that menopause is just period that affects women because they are the ones who go through this stage in life.
According to Sue Brayne, a psychotherapist, men are equally affected by their womens menopause. This is even hard for men as they find it challenging to open about what they are going through as compared to women.
Some of the men that accept to hold an open conversation on the effects of their womens menopause confess that it is hard for them to talk about the matter but they feel a sense of relief when they do so.
According to most men, the changes that their partners go through are frightening and strange. Therefore, menopause puts much pressure on most marriages, with some just holding up in the relationships because of their children.
The most important thing to do to ensure that your marriage survives the menopause is to consult and learn how other couples have managed the situation.
Surviving Perimenopause: I Was Overwhelmed And Full Of Rage Why Was I So Badly Prepared
We havent talked about symptoms, says Ada Calhoun. No wonder this hormonal upheaval is so confusing
You are infantilising women! I heard my mother yell one day when I was a teenager. Alarmed, I went into the kitchen to find her slamming the phone receiver down.
Have you seen this? she said, holding up a roll of paper towels printed with colourful images of teddy bears and blocks.
Mom, I said. Did you just call the Bounty paper-towel company to complain about these teddy bears?
Yes, she said, eyes flashing. They should be ashamed.
In retrospect, I think that my then middle-aged mother dealing with a grouchy teenage daughter, dying parents, marriage problems and an acting career ending because she was no longer young might have been finding a way to express her feelings without bothering anyone except a supervisor at that paper-towel company.
Twenty-five years later, struggling with a career that felt over, facing various physical problems and trying to get my child into a good school, I found myself paying a lot of attention to my sons pet turtle.
Jenny looks bored, I said, gazing into the tank. When was the last time Jenny had some fun?
Shes a turtle, my husband said. Turtles dont have hobbies.
Maybe they want more! I snapped.
And that was the moment I realised that Jenny the turtle had become my very own paper-towel teddy bear.
Good idea, I think. We can just take it easy until perimenopause ends. How long is that, anyway? I asked.
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One Of The Most Uncomfortable Parts Of Menopause Is Vaginal Dryness
Estrogen keeps her vagina nice and juicy, but without it, shes not lubricating, and sex can be painful. Because of her vaginal dryness, artificial lubrication may be needed. I recommend coconut oil as a sexual lubricant to help maintain a healthy vaginal PH. Coconut oil is natural, easy to use, and tastes great. Lack of her own natural lubrication doesnt mean she doesnt want you. It means her vagina is lacking estrogen. Plus, it does take her longer to become aroused when shes in menopause. If the vaginal dryness is too severe, she may need vaginal estrogen. So be patient, and make sure you have lubrication available.
You may also notice that your wife has a lower sex drive. This is because in menopause, her estrogen and progesterone are pretty bottomed out. The most potent form of estrogen-estradiol is really the hormone that drives a womans libido. When her estradiol levels are good, you smell enticing to her. Shes attracted to you, and gets turned on by flowers, wine, thoughtful cards, compliments, and sexy movies.
At this point, shes not yet deficient in testosterone. Testosterone affects a womans sex drive in the fact that she just wants to orgasm, but its not going to be the same sexual experience that you had when your wife was hormonally competent. So making sure shes getting the hormones she needs, or at least encouraging her to talk with her healthcare provider can make a big difference.