How To Recognize Perimenopause Rage
Perimenopause-induced rage may feel significantly different than your typical anger or frustration. You may go from feeling stable to feeling intensely resentful or irritated in a matter of moments. Your family members or friends may also notice that you have less patience than you usually do.
If this sounds like you, you may want to watch for other symptoms of perimenopause. This includes:
- irregular periods
- vaginal dryness
- loss of libido
If youre experiencing symptoms like these, see your healthcare provider. They can confirm your diagnosis and develop a treatment plan to help ease your symptoms.
Is It Ok To Be In A Sexless Marriage
For young couples, is it fine to be in a sexless marriage? Well! The answer is no definitely not.
However, if we are talking about a couple in their 50s thats been together long enough to have raised a few adult children of their own, then yes.
There comes a point where intimacy between a loving couple no longer includes sex. What is important for marriage is not sex itself, but intimacy.
There can be intimacy without sex, and sex without intimacy, but having both, activates a lot of natural high triggers on our body thats designed to encourage procreation for the survival of the species.
Having both is the best-case scenario.
However, great sex is a strenuous physical activity. There are plenty of health benefits of sex, but as we age, strenuous physical activities, sex included, poses health risks. Forcing it, such as by using the magic little blue pill to resurrect junior, also have risks.
Risking your health for intimacy, when there are other ways to be intimate becomes impractical at some point.
Related Reading -Menopause and my marriage
Get Professional Help If Needed
If you dont benefit sufficiently from self-help treatments, seek help from a mental health professional. While women suffering from depression respond to the same types of treatment as men, specific aspects of treatment are often modified for women. Women are also more likely to require simultaneous treatment for other conditions such as anxiety or eating disorders.
Therapy. Talk therapy is an extremely effective treatment for depression. It can provide you with the skills and insight to relieve depression symptoms and help prevent depression from coming back. One of the most important things to consider when choosing a therapist is your connection with this person. The right therapist will be a caring and supportive partner in your depression treatment and recovery.
Medication.Antidepressant medication may help relieve some symptoms of depression in women, but it wont cure the underlying problem. Because of female biological differences, women are generally started on lower doses of antidepressants than men. Women are also more likely to experience side effects, so any medication use should be closely monitored. Dont rely on a doctor who is not trained in mental health for guidance on medication, and remember that medication works best when you make healthy lifestyle changes as well.
Don’t Miss: Early Menopause After Tubal Ligation
May Your Resilience Be Damn Thick And Your Compliments Be Flowing
60% of women report feeling less feminine and less attractive because of all the fluctuating hormones that menopause brings. Some women feel that menopause is ruining their figure, for others its a passion killer. Dont panic if your sex life is in a slump. Give her time and make an effort to boost your partners self-esteem. Remind her on a regular basis how great she looks. Take her out on a date night and wine and dine her or have a romantic movie night on the sofa in front of the TV.
Although she may be getting bored with some of her old hobbies and routines. This may be a time when she develops some new interests. So if she suddenly wants to ditch scrapbooking and try her hand at hang gliding, support her new enthusiasm even if they are only temporary. Talk to her about them and find out what she enjoys doing these days. Shell love being asked about her interests and will appreciate your endorsement.
Husbands surviving menopause dont need to fear the M-word. Theres no need for it to be a mystery or a relationship breaker.
Speak When Youre Angry Youll Make The Best Speech Youll Ever Regret
Youre on her side, right? Even when she might be treating you like the enemy. Between dodging flying frying pans and offering tissues, try talking to her, no matter how awkward you feel broaching the subject. Shell appreciate it, and letting her know that youre trying to make it easier for her will take you out of the line of fire, at least temporarily. Dont underestimate the difficulty of menopause.Its a trying time for you, so just imagine how difficult it is for her. The main thing here is to be patient. Give her plenty of leeway when she is upset or overcome with menopause anger and try to remember shes not out to get you.
Sometimes it can be difficult for women to recognise themselves in the ways they feel and react to menopause. Imagine how tough it is to feel like a stranger to yourself. Dont wait for her to call for the cavalry. Be there first to offer hugs, tissues, and ice cream. Suck it up and offer help. Cook the dinner, do some housekeeping whatever it takes to stop her from feeling unsupported.
You May Like: Sweet Potato Hormone Therapy
How Hormones Affect Our Marriages
Youve probably heard the joke thats been going around concerning hormones and PMS. It goes like this, Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a Doberman? The answer? Lipstick.
And then theres Menopause that has to be dealt with, in the later stages of life. There are a whole host of upsets that come with adjusting to this hormonal stage.
As they say, if you dont laugh, you may cry. So heres Chonda Pierce, to give her take on this matter in a piece titled:
Our first instinct may be to laugh at these jokes. But if youre the one going through a hormonal change, or youre the husband, its no joking matter. Its a pretty serious subject.
How To Reach Out For Support
Look for support from people who make you feel safe and cared for. The person you talk to doesnt have to be able to fix you they just need to be a good listenersomeone wholl listen attentively and compassionately without being distracted or judging you.
Make face-time a priority. Phone calls, social media, and texting are great ways to stay in touch, but they dont replace good old-fashioned in-person quality time. The simple act of talking to someone face to face about how you feel can play a big role in relieving depression and keeping it away.
Try to keep up with social activities even if you dont feel like it. Often when youre depressed it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell, but being around other people will make you feel less depressed.
Find ways to support others. Its nice to receive support, but research shows you get an even bigger mood boost from providing support yourself. So, find waysboth big and smallto help others: volunteer, be a listening ear for a friend, do something nice for somebody.
Join a support group for depression. Being with others dealing with depression can go a long way in reducing your sense of isolation. You can also encourage each other, give and receive advice on how to cope, and share your experiences.
Don’t Miss: Perimenopause Dizzy Spells
Menopause Wreaked Havoc On My Marriage And Sex Life
No one warned me that I would be at odds with my own body.
I had just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary when the first hot flash hit. It didn’t occur to me that I was standing at the threshold of menopause I was in complete denial and convinced that the prickly heat spreading throughout my body was due to a faulty thermostat in our home. But when a second and third hot flash hit the following day, I realized it had nothing to do with the air conditioning system and everything to do with my internal female clock.
For several weeks I experienced unpredictable bursts of intense heat that left my skin wet with perspiration and my clothes uncomfortably damp. Even my husband was astounded by the amount of heat radiating from my body during a hot flash, and he understood why I no longer wanted to cuddle under the covers with him at night.
The pain I associated with sex, coupled with my plummeting libido, caused the romance in my marriage to fall by the wayside.
Denying the changes that were happening to my body only reinforced the issues that were already coming to a head in my marriage mainly, a lack of intimacy. My husband’s healthy libido had always been stronger than mine, but when menopause struck, a line was drawn in the sand.
My lack of confidence and the constant fatigue I struggled with daily killed any chance of feeling sexy in the bedroom.
Useful Resources On Menopause
There was one book that was detailed and helpful and that was Miriam Stoppards Menopause: The Complete Guide to Maintaining Health and Well-being and Managing Your Life. It was, at the time, and in the bookshops I was looking in , the only one that seemed based on real experience, was written by a female doctor who had clearly been there, and was evidenced-based. Ive just looked up the latest edition, and it is better than ever and I would recommend it whole heartedly. It gave me a context to see my own symptoms in, was clear about where possible therapies were evidence-based and where they were not, and was accessibly and confidently written.
Im also now aware of work being done by the Health Experiences Research Group which has produced much of the material for the healthtalk site, which includes films of women talking about their experience of menopause. Jenny Hislop, who worked on this project, has written about this in her Evidently Cochrane blog Lets talk about the menopause. You can also find the healthtalk section on Menopause here and its terrific. If only I had been able to access it, it would have saved me a lot of worry and uncertainty, and stopped me thinking that I had become a wild, emotionally unstable woman for ever!
Also Check: Menopause Dizzy Spells
Praying Scripture Over Your Childs Life
Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. Shes been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.
Body Image And Menopause
Some of the things that may contribute to your body image around menopause include:
- social attitudes Western culture rarely portrays older women as sexual or desirable. These ingrained social attitudes may make you feel less attractive. Some women wrongly believe that sex is only for young people. If you feel this way, it may cause your sexual interest and activity to wane
- possible weight gain you may find your body fat increases at this time, especially around your abdomen. This is due to hormonal changes and other age-related factors
- changes to body hair growth.
Also Check: Tubal Ligation And Early Menopause
Need Help To Change Your Menopause For The Better Join Our Free 7 Days To A Better Menopause Plan
My 7-day plan will provide you with the information, support and advice you need.
“Can the menopause make you feel like you’re falling out of love?“
Yes, it can. So, this is a really interesting aspect of the menopause.
We have a hormone called oxytocin, and it’s called your cuddle hormone or your love hormone. Your body is swamped with it when you give birth so that you automatically fall in love with your baby. Having a really good physical relationship with your partner very often keeps the oxytocin topped up, which means that you keep your feelings of love, comfort, and joy with that person going.
The problem here is that there seems to be a link between oestrogen falling and your oxytocin falling so that there seems to be a direct link between these two hormones. So, as your oestrogen falls, the levels of your love and cuddle hormone decreases as well.
And some women find that, you know, they suddenly realise the partner they’ve been with for a long time no longer floats their boats or makes them happy. Some women find that, suddenly, it’s like having the blinkers taken off. And they view their relationship in a completely different way.
So, all I would say in this situation is have a good think before you do anything. And don’t do anything rash because, you know, some women have come back afterwards and said that they wish they hadn’t have acted quite so quickly. It’s a difficult situation but just be really careful with this one.
Im Not Attracted To My Husband Any More Maybe Because Of The Menopause
A woman no longer interested in sex with her husband wonders how to rekindle the passion. Mariella Frostrup says it is monogamys greatest quandary
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to
The dilemma I have been married for just over three years to my second husband. He is a kind and caring man, with no malice or underhand agenda . However, I have stopped finding him attractive. I care about him, I love him, but I dont feel remotely interested in being physical with him any more. It may be that turning 50 and the menopause have a part to play, but I feel switched off for good. He is patient with me, but I cant see how he can put up with it for much longer. It was good when we first met but isnt it always? I felt liberated by being with him but now there is nothing. We may have had sex three times in the past three years. I want to be switched back on to having a good all-round relationship but dont know how.
Ive been dreading this question. So high does interest run in this particular conundrum that if I had the answer Id be on the cover of Time magazine and choosing what to wear for my Nobel acceptance speech. Imagine the social revolution we could kickstart if we could ensure that the person wed chosen to pool romantic resources with, forsaking all others, still turned us into drooling, passion-crazed obsessives eager for physical union after 20 years together, or in your case three.
Don’t Miss: Menopausal Apron Belly
When Mood Swings Kill The Mood
In addition to your mood swings, you might also find yourself struggling with a tired libido or vaginal dryness. We dont know about you, but the terms tired libido and vaginal dryness are two sure-fire ways to kill the mood. Add a mood swing to that? Kiss intimacy goodbye!
If youre having a hard time feeling the desire to connect sexually with your partner, you might try:
- Talking about other forms of intimacy
- Non-physical forms of intimacy
- Connecting with your body to explore your sexuality without your partner. Masturbation can actually be a powerful way to revive your sexual desires.
What experts dont recommend? Faking interest or suffering through painful intercourse. Both of these methods generally lead down a one-way street of disaster. Instead, talk to your partner to discover some positions that make both of you feel good.
After all, if its too painful to listen to your favorite songs, what better excuse is there to throw some new ones into the playlist?
Generally, strong emotions around menopause are normal however, if you feel your emotions are rising to the level of clinical and could have lasting impacts on your life or the lives of others, please get professional help.
Things My Husband Needs To Know About Menopausal Me
Blogger at Rubber Shoes In Hell
Have you considered menopause might be dangerous?
I don’t know. I suspect menopause is different for everyone who experiences it. I think in my house it will be most dangerous for my husband. I very nearly always like him and I’d like for him to get through this stage in our life intact.
Perhaps an education is what he needs. Or a guide. A menopausal GPS, of sorts, for his upcoming trip.
Keep your stupid menopause jokes to yourself I mean this is the kindest of ways, my darling. Light of my life. Sweet britches. You aren’t as damn funny as you think you are. Ask yourself this question: Is telling that lame ass menopause joke worth having a mascara wand shoved through your nostril into your frontal lobe? Lobotomy via Maybelline gets ugly.
Tropical moments don’t mean we’re on vacation If I’ve said the words “I’m hot” the danger is upon you. It’s in your best interest to start opening windows and turning on fans. If I’m hot, your comfort is no longer a consideration. The only thing you need to focus on is lowering the temperature. Put on a sweater if you’re cold.
No, I don’t hate you, but my hormones really dislike you Give the hormones five minutes and they’ll love you again. Unless there’s a tropical moment. Or unless you just told another joke.
Boobs are now a grope-free zone They hurt. If you don’t believe me, perhaps a demo swat to your testicular area might convince you.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
You May Like: Menopause And Dizzy Spells